Experiencing the "Real Bali": Pork Edition

Here's what I envisioned as Bali when I planned a four day stop there before heading to Singapore: gorgeous, white sand beaches surrounded by clear blue water. I'm a beach guy and I thought Bali was the ultimate destination for the beach lover. In my four days in Bali, I saw zero beaches, but still loved every minute of it.

There are a lot beach towns in Bali and a few just a short speed boat away such as the Gillies and Lombok. But because I had such a limited amount of time in Bali, and heard such glowing recommendations, I decided to first head to Ubud before deciding if I could find time to actually go to a beach town. Ubud is a small little town know for its cool art scene and surrounding areas of "real  Bali." What is the real Bali you ask? Well, I didn't know either, so I arranged a bike tour and went to check it out myself.

Ready to see the real Bali!

The bike tour was funtastic. Our group of six people were driven up to the top of mountain, then let free to coast down 25k of mountain, making stops along the way to see the aforementioned real Bali. Our stops included breakfast with a volcano view, rice paddies, tasting coffee pooped out by animals (not great), seeing monkeys that were not happy to see me, a Hindu temple, and a tour of a small commune (one had a mangosteen tree!). But my favorite stop was at a rice field where I was able to actually harvest some rice with the strongest 60 year old women I've ever met. They kept laughing at me when I helped them (probably because of my chicken legs), but it was a great time and I'm happy I could provide some comic relief for the hard working ladies.

View from the top of our descent.

Gorgeous way to see the countryside.

Enjoying some poop coffee.

Trying not to mess things up.

Rice paddies.

At a Hindu temple.

We got caught up in a Hindu parade.

A nice buffet lunch to end a 25k bike ride.

I also wanted to check out the unreal Bali, so one day I stayed in the main town of Ubud and explored the local shops and markets. There was definitely a ton of art everywhere, which gave the town a really colorful feel to it. There's also a really lively open air market where you can buy jewelry, clothing, art, and other trinkets. I've never seen more hardcore shop vendors anywhere in my life. They all spoke multiple languages, so they could bargain with all the tourists. Once you start talking to them, they literally won't let you leave until you buy something, grasping your arm the whole time. The bargaining goes something like this.

Me: How much for these pants?
Lady: 200,000.
Me: I only want to spend $40,000.
Lady: No, I lose money if I give it to you for $40,000.
Me: OK, no thanks then.
Lady: OK, OK, $150,000.
Me: No, that's too much.
(start walking away)
Lady: OK, OK, $100,000.
(still walking away)
Lady: $80,000! $60,000! $50,000! OK, OK $40,000!
Me: OK, thanks.

This whole conversation took place in 10 seconds.

Really fun experience at the open air market.

OK, let's talk priorities. Sure, I wanted to see the art scene and culture of Ubud. It was great and I really enjoyed soaking everything in. But the real reason I stayed in town that day instead of doing a volcano hike was because I wanted pork, and could only get this special pork in the middle of the day. My friend Stanley said I must, must, must get roast suckling pig at a small shop called Ibu Oka (stronly championed by Anthony Bourdain as well). It was apparently to die for. Stanely planted this poisonous seed in my brain and I couldn't get it out of my mind. I was a zombie looking for brains. Delicious, crispy brains.

Volcano, Shmolcano. That's what I thought as I took my first bite. And then I couldn't think after that. It was too delicious. Overall, I didn't love the food in Bali, but the roast suckling pig was so good. Too good. Juicy, crispy, spicy. The plate included the moist chunks of pork, a few thicker pieces of crispy skin, as well as one giant piece of thin skin that was absurdly tasty. I wasn't even really hungry when I ate it (had to line up early to make sure it didn't sell out), but it was so good I actually got hungry as I ate my first few bites. Needless to say, I got an order to go for dinner that night.

Round 1.

Round 2 - "Just a little cold; it's still good, it's still good!"

I know what you're thinking. What better way to end a great time in Bali than to sleep in the airport the night before you leave. I know how you feel, I felt the same way. As attractive as it sounds, don't do it. The security guards there strongly practice the art of douchebaggery (kind of like skullduggery, but different). They wouldn't let me sleep in the airport! They kept nudging me awake and telling me to leave because I wasn't allowed in the airport until two hours before my flight. I kept moving around the airport, being nudged awake after 30 minute pockets of sleep, and finally Captain DB (the leader of the douchebags) made me leave the premises. It was a fevered night of half awake altercations and Pringles (putting it that way, it doesn't sound too bad).

A great last meal in Bali...eaten outside of the airport. Captain DB got none of it.

Anyhoo, I had a great time in Ubud. Bali is a place I definitely envision coming back to see more of the culture as well as visit some of the famous beaches  and maybe actually climb that volcano I was eyeing. On second thought, me just want more brain.