Homesickness and Momma

I’m a little overdue for a post and I’ve been thinking over the past couple of weeks about what I wanted to write about. A few events have taken place during that time, a few of which I’ll talk about in this post, but the one subject that’s been consistently on my mind is my mom. Before you go “ahhhh,” her being on my mind isn’t because I’m a great son or super thoughtful. It’s because she emails me everyday.

I’ll get to my lovely mom in a bit, but to back up a bit to explain why my mom and her emails have been on my mind, I must admit that I (too) easily get homesick. It may seem a little weird that I planned a 6-month stint to a country where I don’t know anyone and don’t know the language given how homesick I know I get, but the scariness is a part of why I thought it would be a good learning experience. But knowing that it’s a good challenge doesn’t automatically make it easier to be away from home. (Side note: I told a friend I was homesick, and he appropriately responded, “it’s only been a month!” I know it seems weird to be homesick in month 1 of 6, but I think the knowledge that it will be another 5 months is what weighs more heavily than the single month away. Also, I know I’m irrational sometimes (i.e., always), so there’s that, too.)

There was a Friday a couple weeks back where I had the day off. Generally a day off is good, but for me being on my own, busyness is a good thing because it keeps me occupied. I actually dread a lot of free time because it becomes a time where it’s just me and my thoughts and my thoughts always return to the people I miss back home. That Friday, my mind veered home so much so that I started looking at old email threads with friends and family to drum up memories of my community.  (As an aside, I actually loved that I was pushed to this because there were so many memories I had forgotten that made me laugh and smile when I re-discovered them.)

In the midst of this little bout of missing home, I actually got a pleasant little surprise that worked out so perfectly. There’s a big Buddhist holiday in Cambodia call Pchum Ben where everyone goes back to their home province. I didn’t know this was happening until the week before, when I learned that I’d have a week off of work. Michael invited me to go to his home province with him, but he had been taking care of me so much the first few weeks, I wanted to give him some nice quality family time without having to accommodate the needy American who crashes things. Instead, I was reminded that a few of my very closest friends would be in Taiwan on the exact week of Pchum Ben. So during the holiday week, I flew out to meet them and I don’t know of a less corny way to put it, but being around them just really fed my soul (*uuggggghhhhhhh, groooooaaaaaaan*).

It was really an awesome trip. I forgot how much I enjoyed Taiwan and its food stalls and night markets. My first ever overseas trip was to Taiwan over 9 years ago (with one of my friends who was on this trip, too), so it felt a little nostalgic being back. But I honestly would’ve been as happy if I had just sat in a room with my friends. There are few things better than to be simply with people you know and love and that know and love you. I easily forget how important people in my life are when I’m home, but I’m glad that me being away has reminded me of how good I have it and to appreciate and acknowledge that a bit more.

OK, I’m on like paragraph 5 of my non-mom tangent, but trust me it ties together. The Taiwan trip included 3 babies! It was so great seeing my friends (some of who I’ve known since I was 14) in action as great parents. And to see just how much effort and care my friends took to be good parents brought my memories full circle back to my mom and what she had to deal with when Kert and I were kids. OK, tangent/context/backstory over.

So good to see these faces!

She just gets me.

I’ve asked my mom what I was like a child, and before she starts, she always lets out a deep sigh and looks off into the distance as if affected by PTSD before she says, “Baby, you were so hard. You made mom so tired.” I was not a good child. Every picture of me as a kid is either blurry because I was constantly hyper and running around, or showed me sweating profusely because of said constant activity. And my reign of terror didn’t stop when I slept. You’d think me sleeping would be a nice break for my mom, but nope, my ability to tire my mom out knew no bounds. I was a bed-wetter until 3^rd grade or so (shout out to Sarah Silverman!) and most nights I would wet my bed, then move to my mom’s bed and wet hers. What a freaking nightmare I was. Seeing my friends in action in Taiwan was a good reminder of what a superstar my mom was/is in taking care of Kert and me.

OK, let’s jump back in time again a bit more. Last year in my small group, we were discussing faithfulness and what that looked like in our lives. I was the first to share because I knew exactly who personified that trait in my life: my mom. I didn’t always appreciate this trait in my mom, because it was such a subtle constant presence that I didn’t even know it was there. And I actually remembering when I was younger that I wish my mom had different traits like being more charismatic or being able to offer sage advice – traits I saw in other parents that I felt were very attractive. But there is nothing I would trade for my mom. Other moms can tell jokes that have any semblance of logic, I’ll take my mom’s faithfulness and nonsense, goofy humor any day of the week.

I’m sad that it took me so long to recognize how amazing my mom is, but faithfulness is definitely what she shows my brother and me. You know people who do loving and caring things out of the “goodness of their hearts”, but (not that) deep down want to be acknowledged or thanked for it? That’s most of us, (including me) and it’s natural, but that’s not my mom. Whenever I come home, she automatically will cook me something. Even if I say I’m not hungry, and even if she was busy or sleeping. And when she brings it out after I say I’m not hungry, I act like a little spoiled child and ask her why she cooked when I said I wasn’t hungry. And she’s un-phased – she does it because she loves me and my spoiled/negative response does nothing to change this. If I were my mom responding to bratty Pert, I would say, “Fine, then I won’t cook anymore.” But nope, she just wants to make sure I’m fed. And the next time I come over, she will cook for me again with zero expectations from me expressing gratitude. I’ll meet those expectations (I’m working on this), and then she’ll forget that and will cook for me the next time after that and the next time after that without even hinting at wanting to be thanked. She’s just a constant in my life providing for me and loving me regardless of what I give back.

Which brings me back to her daily emails. Back home, my mom would text me a greeting and/or bible verse everyday, and even though I would appreciate it, it was just another thing that happened in my busy day, and I didn’t really need to hear from my mom at 7am anyway. My friend Tiffany (who also acts as my conscience most of the time) said I should respond back to my mom to thank her when she texts me. But it was just another thing, plus my mom already knew I loved her so it was fine. But since coming out here, my mom has continued sending me daily notes over email (always starting with “Dear Son” and ending with “Enjoy your Day! Love you, Mom”) and on those lonely days off feeling especially homesick, man is there nothing better than hearing from your mom. I’m getting better at thanking her for taking time to think of me, but even if I do nothing to show my gratitude, she’ll keep sending me notes everyday. Faithfulness.

She loves me, but even she won't stand idly by without asking me to shave/"shelve" my beard.

Probably my favorite picture of Kert, my mom and me. Plus it's one where I'm actually calm. Although I can guarantee you I'm the reason her glasses are all sideways like that.

Taco Tuesday!

I’m not going to delve into my mom’s story, but she has sacrificed a lot of her life and goals for our family. And it has rarely been smooth sailing. But there are few things that make me prouder than hearing her say that even though things haven’t always been easy, she is so happy to be Kert’s and my mom.

Mom, I’m thankful for your faithfulness in my life and I love you dearly. Sorry for peeing in your bed.