Fear and Willingness

As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I like to give my students assignments that benefit both them and me. Them in that they practice thinking how to structure ideas and speak publicly, and me in that I get to learn more about their lives.

In the past two months, I've been teaching my evening class (my most advanced in terms of speaking English) a new vocabulary word a day - the theme being "words I think of when I think of them." A couple of nights ago I chose the word "willing" for a couple of reasons. For one, it aptly describes them because they generally are goodhearted and make an effort whenever I pose a new activity for them to try. Secondly, it was a bit of pre-emptive encouragement because I had a new assignment for them that same evening that would be challenging for anyone, let alone for students speaking a second language in front of their peers and a teacher from another country. The assignment? Tell the class about one of your fears and why it scares you.

Again, I love these assignments because I learn so much about my students. In the past, they've been open enough to share about their life goals, as well as people in their lives demonstrate faithfulness. The other reason I love these assignments is that it gives me a chance to share a bit about my life with the students. For most of my life, I've worked with kids in some capacity from coaching basketball to mentoring at church to helping with summer camps. It's something that I realized over time I love doing and that I'm a bit wired for. And one thing that is aways present when working with kids is how when I was their age, I really wanted to be able to hear from older people who in my mind, had "made it" so they could give me the formula. There weren't many occasions when I heard something from someone older and thought, "oh, you too?!" And when I was young, what I wanted more than most things was to know that I could relate to other people. So that's why I really enjoy sharing with kids (even though I'm far from having "made it", whatever that even means) - that hopefully some of my experiences and learnings could resonate with them and they could feel the sense that they're not on their own and someone understands a bit of where they're coming from.

Before I asked each student to share, I shared a bit about a few things in my life that caused me fear growing up, and also shared a couple of quotes on fear I really enjoy (again, thanks to the journal from Judith):

“Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.” - Donald Miller

"I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear." - Rosa Parks

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers." - Anne Lamott

Here are some of the responses - some really honest and difficult, some lighter and funny. And some that made me want to high-five them and say, "me, too!" (I'll let you guess which ones those are)

• "Fitting into new groups."
• "Worms."
• "Pretty girls." (definitely high-five worthy)
• "Not succeeding at University and with a future career."
• "Ghosts."
• "Not fitting in with their family."
• "This." (Referring to public speaking - this response had my dying.)
• "Failing high school."
• "Lizards."
• "Traffic accidents."
• "Being alone."
• "Thunder."
• "Being pressured into getting married and settling down, when there are other goals I want to pursue."
• "The dark."
• "Not being able to afford university."

I really enjoyed hearing their stories, and I was so proud of them, as I always am when they share with everyone about their lives. And I think through this exercise, they were able to see that many of their fears were shared.

Before they shared, I made sure to let them know they didn't have to share anything they weren't comfortable with sharing. It could be light and quick if they wanted. I didn't want to force them into sharing fears that were things they wanted to be more private. My last student to share was insanely brave because she shared something that was really difficult for her. She shared that she was afraid of her father because he would drink a lot and hit her mom. She cried while she shared, and in the middle of her sharing I felt horrible because I felt I forced her into sharing something she didn't want to. I apologized to her after class, but she reassured me that she was happy to share because she said she wasn't sad anymore because her father stopped drinking and stopped hitting her mom. Like I said, willing.

My evening class has consistently been the class I've enjoyed teaching the most because they've been receptive to my maybe less-than-kosher teaching style, they've been willing to do things that are new and scare them, and man do they teach me a lot.